If this is your first time hearing about it, 23andMe is a DNA testing company, it’s one of the more well-known ones, you have Ancestry, 23andMe, MyHeritage, and FTDNA, which does big y DNA testing.
Along with the introduction of Trace Ancestry category. My estimates have gone through quite the change.
I’ve always found my French & German percentage to be on the small side for having a father who is half French. This estimate is more understandable. I went from 3.3% to 9.7%. My British & Irish also went down, for the longest time it was higher than my F&G and it shouldn’t have been. It’s nice to see that they’ve shifted some of the B& I over to F&G where it belongs. I just hope they’ll be able to do the same with Spanish & Portuguese because I have no known ancestry from those areas, what I do have is Ancestors who lived in border towns so maybe, just maybe they were S&P?
Today I’m going to talk about one of the most common topics of discussion in the Natural hair community, curl patterns.
To be honest I’ve never given it much thought at all because I have more than one type of pattern of you go by the chart that seems to be everywhere.
This chart right here:
According to this chart, the front of my head is a mix of 2c and 3a, the middle is a mix of 3b and 3c, the very back of my head is 4a. Like I said before I have a lot of curl patterns.
The curl patterns aren’t that important though, it’s the porosity of the hair or so I’ve been told.
My hair is low porosity and coconut oil is supposed to be really good for this type of hair but I can’t use coconut anything or my hair will become very brittle and break horrendously.
Having hair that dislikes Coconut with a passion is kind of difficult, to be honest because so many hair products geared towards Afro hair have it in it. There are so many highly favored cult favorites that I just can not use.
I’ve begun to disregard all the suggestions that have been thrown my way because what works for one person’s hair doesn’t work for everyone, sometimes you just have to find what your hair loves.
My hair loves Argan, Avocado, Rice water, and Jojoba. I know this because I’ve had favorable results with them.
When I shaved my head back in 2017 I honestly didn’t know what kind of curl pattern to expect, when I was youngest my mother used the wrong products, and my true pattern was hidden.
You probably can’t see it well but my hair was like a 2b and almost like a straw broom, to be honest, it’s like when I flat iron my hair and take braids out.
I’m pretty sure that texture was because my mother used this grease on my hair.
My hair doesn’t do well with grease at all, it is very heavy and what that does is that it drags my curls down until all you see is limp greasy strands and washing did nothing because as soon as we were done washing my hair with shampoos and conditioners that stripped my hair she would comb it with a fine-tooth comb and it was painful so painful that I’d run away and hide until my hair was pretty similar to a bird’s nest and then the real pain would come when she tried to de-tangle it while it was dry!
All my life my mother said my hair wasn’t as good as my middle sister’s because I didn’t have curls like her but when she sees my hair now she can’t believe how similar my hair actually is.
My hair is curly and coily but to maintain this it needs the proper care.
I’ve developed my own routine and I baby my hair so that I can look at it and feel a sense of pride. My hair is just as good, my hair is my crown.
Today I want to talk about something that has always bothered me.
Ever since I was very young I’ve always viewed myself as the useless sibling. I have two older sisters who were obviously intelligent, they got good grades they were Salutatorian and Valedictorian of their classes, I also have three younger brothers who are also obviously intelligent, graduating with High honors, internship, also Sal/Val of their class, and then there’s me.
Quiet, can’t speak in school, trouble with bullies, terrible grades, held back twice, nothing really special. I didn’t graduate with honors and I didn’t go to college, I am the useless child. Every parent must have a dud and I always knew it was me.
When I was younger you could go to Wendy’s for a free meal with your report card and for whatever reason my father always brought me along to see my siblings get their free meals and he would buy nothing for me. I’d sit there and watch them eat and feel out of place.
He’d also do this with toys, I got nothing while they got something new to play with. I never really blamed my siblings, I blamed myself for being too dumb to understand the work, too dumb to be able to speak.
My mother probably didn’t know about this and I know if she did she would have bought me something even if it was something small and tiny. She never let me feel useless until that one year she said to me “if you get good grades, I’ll buy you that doll you wanted”, I worked my ass off and I didn’t get that doll, sold out is what she told me.
I think that was the same year my youngest brother was born and my grandmother, my mother’s mother passed away. I remember not feeling anything really, I didn’t cry, I didn’t understand why others were crying but when I saw my mother break down I felt it, I cried because my mother was crying. I loved my grandmother and I have very fond memories of her but I just don’t feel emotions like other people.
That was also the very first year I was held back, I stopped trying, I stopped caring, my first experience with depression but nobody noticed. They said I was being difficult and willful. Nobody saw me.
I used to have a very best friend that I’d eat with hanging out every chance I got and the very next year we stopped hanging out and I’d sit by myself on the stairs in front of my classroom. I didn’t have any friends, I didn’t eat lunch, my thought was not the best and I didn’t know how to change them.
It’s not to say some of my classmates didn’t try, they did, they invited me to sit with them under a mango tree, they’d share a little of their lunches with me and talk around me. Never to me because everyone knew I didn’t talk. I barely even smiled or showed any emotions.
For my entire young life, I felt out of place like I couldn’t understand my peers, they were all speaking a language I just didn’t know. I tried to emulate them, I tried to have crushes like the other girls and copy their mannerisms and what I thought their thought patterns might be but it was like playing a part I had no business trying out for.
In Jr. High my second year of 7th grade after being held back yet again I encountered a teacher that challenged me. According to one of my older sisters, she was in the woman’s class all of one day but this woman would constantly call me by my sister’s name and it chafed because I had my own name. This woman would also make fun of students who did poorly and I was not going to let her make fun of me, she was going to know my name. Mine, not my sister’s but mine.
I got into honors that year, I spoke for the first time that year, my grandfather, my father’s father passed away that year. My mother was pregnant with my baby sister that year, 9/11 happened that year and my mother lost my baby sister that year.
It was a catalyst for me and I let everything push me into doing everything I could to get out of school.
It didn’t matter. My father still didn’t acknowledge what I had accomplished, I was still the child that couldn’t speak and couldn’t make it in the real world because I was filled with so much anxiety I couldn’t do half the things my siblings could.
It’s amazing how much your parents can hurt you without knowing they did or maybe he knew exactly where to inflict the worst pain.
He’s such a confusing person, he says these cruel things but then he took me out for my birthday just me and him and he bought me a birthday gift that I never thought he would. We’d go out to the movies together and we argued yes but it seemed like only the two of us did these things. My father was like me.
He was filled with anxiety and he didn’t know how to express his emotions.
As I got older I learned more about him just by observing him and I am so much like him not just in looks but in temperament.
All those times when he’d sit by himself away from others, I understand it now, he looked so cut off from us because he didn’t know how to interact with us.
When he’d want to leave or not go to a social function, I fully understand it. I hate social functions and how it drains me.
His special hobbies, his desire for a schedule, I do all of this as well.
I felt like I was looking for his approval and never got it but I was the only one he’d call to help him, the only one he showed a little attention in, I think my father understood me just a little better than I understood myself back then.
That saying he kept saying to me? That I’d never go anywhere and be able to survive in the real world?
I took it to heart and pushed myself, I left home and traveled internationally, I got married and I might still struggle socially but I function on my own level.
I might not be as academically fortunate as my siblings but I am not the useless sibling, I made my success in personal battles and I accomplished my own great things.
As an aspiring author, there’s nothing I love more than new books, the smell alone can be addictive but the feeling of getting your hands on the next book in a series after waiting for months even years is explosive.
Unfortunately for me, finding time to read these days are slim to none, not only do I have to go out several times to drop and pick up Naveen but I have to battle my depression to even feel like reading a book I not only was so excited to read but waited a long time to receive in the mail. I used to be able to read over 100 books in a year and I have fallen to a little under 50.
I want to enjoy my favorite pastime again, I want to be able to fall into a book and forget everything around me, I want to live and love.
Last month I finally got Vengeance Road (Torpedo Ink #2) by Christine Feehan.
Go zero to sixty in this dangerously sexy novel from #1 New York Times bestselling author Christine Feehan.
Breezy Simmons was born into a ruthless motorcycle club—and now that she’s out, she’s never going to be that girl again. But when her past catches up with her, Breezy must go to Sea Haven to seek out the man who almost destroyed her. The man who chose his club over her and left her feeling used and alone.
As vice president of Torpedo Ink, Steele is ride or die for the brothers he lived through hell with. He never thought he’d find something as pure as his feelings for Breezy, or that keeping her safe would mean driving her away with cruel words that turned her love for him to ash.
Now, Steele won’t let her walk away twice. He’ll do whatever it takes to make Breezy his woman again—especially when he learns the real reason she came to him for help, and that the stakes are higher than he ever could have imagined…
I preordered this book back in January and had to wait quite a while since it was shipping from the US to France. Before devouring it I decided I was going to re-read Judgment Road first so that I can have the settings and characters fresh in my mind before continuing the series. Although I already read the book and thoroughly enjoyed it I am struggling to get through it. I really want to read the new book but I want to finish this book first!
To make matters worse I picked up a new book and immediately started reading it. It’s called Land of Love and Drowning by Tiphanie Yanique.
A critically acclaimed debut from an award-winning writer—an epic family saga set against the magic and the rhythms of the Virgin Islands.
In the early 1900s, the Virgin Islands are transferred from Danish to American rule, and an important ship sinks into the Caribbean Sea. Orphaned by the shipwreck are two sisters and their half brother, now faced with an uncertain identity and future. Each of them is unusually beautiful, and each is in possession of a particular magic that will either sink or save them.
Chronicling three generations of an island family from 1916 to the 1970s, Land of Love and Drowning is a novel of love and magic, set against the emergence of Saint Thomas into the modern world. Uniquely imagined, with echoes of Toni Morrison, Gabriel García Márquez, and the author’s own Caribbean family history, the story is told in a language and rhythm that evoke an entire world and way of life and love. Following the Bradshaw family through sixty years of fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, love affairs, curses, magical gifts, loyalties, births, deaths, and triumphs, Land of Love and Drowning is a gorgeous, vibrant debut by an exciting, prizewinning young writer.
I have only read a few pages but I am enjoying it, I feel like I’m home with the use of Creole writing, I know some might struggle with it and pronouncing the words right but it’s my native tongue and it just rolls off my mind’s tongue. I feel a sense of peace in this foreign land.
On another note, I was looking forward to receiving a new phone I just recently purchased but it got pushed back to next week. I had planned on getting acquainted with my new phone this weekend but I think I will use it to read and write.
I don’t know if I ever mentioned before that I took a DNA test with 23andMe on here but I took one back in June 2018. The main reason I took it was to discover who my father’s family was, my father was adopted when he was young, and while we knew the names of his parents I didn’t know anything else. My paternal grandfather passed away when I was 13 years old and in all that time I had never even met him, my two older sisters stayed over at his house but never me. I’m always told that I look like his side of the family so it was a pretty hard blow to never know him or about his family and wish that I had been given that chance. I have no pictures and very few stories to even remember him by so I took to genealogy to try to learn something.
My grandfather was born in Gustavia, Saint-Barthélemy, Antilles françaises in 1920. He was the son of Vitalis LaPlace and Marie Josephine Turbé. My grandfather left his home to stay with an aunt in St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands where a lot of French people migrated to in the late 1800s. While my father was born in St. Thomas he grew up in St. Croix where I was born and I didn’t visit St. Thomas until I was well into my 20s thanks to one of my older sisters.
One of my younger brothers did an Ancestry DNA test in I want to say 2017 but Ancestry doesn’t ship to France so I went with 23andMe. Looking at my brother’s results I had an idea of what my Ancestry Composition could look like and I was excited waiting for my results.
I got my results back on June 18, 2018:
The African portion was pretty underwhelming and my French & German was pretty small for someone whose grandfather was a French man. What I have since learned is that some of the British & Irish, Iberian, Italian, and Broadly categories were hiding a good portion of my French DNA and it was nearly impossible for 23andMe to separate it from the other areas of Europe because of migrations over the ages.
Sometime around October 23andMe updated their African categories and I had a brand new Ancestry Composition to look at:
My West African was broken down into Nigerian, Coastal West African, Senegambian &Guinean, Congolese, and Sudanese. My African Hunter-Gatherer category disappeared. My British & Irish went up, Italian went up, Iberian went down, and Scandinavian appeared. Western Asian & North African categories appeared. Everything else remained more or less the same.
In December 23andMe once again updated their categories:
The Coastal West African category was broken down into Ghanaian, Liberian, & Sierra Leonean. Iberian was changed to Spanish & Portuguese. Everything else remained the same.
Yesterday 23andMe invited their V5 customers to try out a Beta Update to their composition:
My Ancestry Composition went through a lot of changes!
Central Asian & South Asian was added
My African categories were all decreased with the exception of Congolese and Sudanese. I gained a new category as well, Southern East African. My European increased Spanish & Portuguese now being my highest category at 6.6% British & Irish decreased from 8.9% to 6.0% my French & Geerman went from 3.3% to 5.6% I completely lost the Italian I had which doesn’t worry me much since I never had any Italian paper trail. My Native American remains unchanged through all of these updates.
It has been so fascinating watching all of these changes and I can’t wait to see what other changes happen later on.
On the paper genealogy front, I had a really big breakthrough yesterday as well. I have a brick wall 3x great-grandmother Anne Louise Chapelain who I couldn’t find any information on her parents or siblings but yesterday I decided to go back over my work to see if I missed anything and while going through my 2x great-grandfather’s second marriage I found an uncle named Joseph Chaplain in the witness section. This Joseph Chaplain would have been 35 in 1888 so born around 1853 give or take, I think he might be a half brother because Anne Louise was born around 1835, that’s a good 18 years older and depending on her mother’s age might have been way after her childbearing age. I haven’t found anything on him so far but I have hope.
Fair warning this post is going to be as long as the last post since I merged several of my old short blog pieces into one long blog post it goes from November 30, 2013, to September 9, 2013. It is a bit longer than the last one and I hope the length doesn’t scare anyone away.
Yes, he’s here
November 30, 2013
This is a very late update but my little Naveen was born on October 28, 2013, at 7:58 pm.
After such a trying pregnancy my labor was pretty difficult as well. 16 hours, Pitocin, and 20 stitches to repair 2nd-degree tears. I’m pretty sure he will be an only child and it’s a bit depressing because I always wanted more than one but my body can’t handle birthing more than one.
I said adoption was an option but deep down I wonder what a little girl that is biologically mine will look like.
Three Months Later
January 31, 2014
It has been three months since my son was born and it has been very interesting, I go to sleep and wake up to the cutest little face, yea I wake up, every two hours. I am pretty much always exhausted and have permanent dark circles under my eye, they’ve always been there but are much darker now. When we do wake up at 4, I change his diaper so there won’t be any accidents in the rest of the night. It is then that Mr. decides he wants to play. He smiles, he squirms, he flails his arms and kicks his feet and all I want to do is go back to sleep. If he was ever like this in the belly I have no clue, I was always passed out either from exhaustion or sleeping pills. It doesn’t make much sense to me that he will want to play, he goes back to sleep not even an hour later. I am left scratching my head more often than not.
Now that he is 3 months old Navi has learned to lift his head, grab things, and roll from his belly to his back, he even laughs, it’s a rare thing because he is such a serious boy. I’m getting to understand who this little person is a bit better every month. It’s still an indescribable feeling knowing that this baby grew inside of me for all those months and almost killed me in the process. I’ll never let him forget how painful it was so he better be a very good boy while growing up.
I’m a Warrior…
February 6, 2014
Dark circles under my eyes Back pain that doesn’t go away A crying 3 months old next to me A cold trying to come on
I have to get up to take care of him, I can’t let body pain and a tiny cold stop me from doing what I have to, I have nobody to lean on, I can do it alone. I am a Mother, I am a Protector, I am a Warrior.
Every night with no-fail, my 3-month-old goes to sleep at 11 pm and wakes up at 2 am and 4 am and finally at 7 am with no intention of going back to sleep until 12 pm, by then it’s too late for me to try to catch a few extra sleep because I have too many things to do, I have to make myself breakfast, I have to wash clothes, I have to try to make some money to buy the essentials; diapers, wipes, clothes.
To make things worse, little man is in the teething stage, if he was hard to put to sleep before, now he is just impossible. I usually try to rock him and it’s either a hit or a miss. Now I strap him into his carrier and walk around the house, he’s pushing 14 lbs while I’m a skinny 92, you can just imagine the pain I have in my back, shoulders, and neck. I can’t admit defeat no matter how much it hurts because baby must sleep so that I don’t pass out while he’s awake. I don’t know what is about the carrier that puts him out but whatever it is I am grateful. Maybe it reminds him of being inside the womb, who knows, I just hope it continues to be my good luck charm.
All that aside, my little man is growing up so fast and I’m becoming weepy, I had such a rough pregnancy and wanted it to be over fast and now that he’s here time is going by so fast I wish it would slow for a while. From a tiny 5 lb 6 oz baby to 14 lbs in just 3 months, it’s astonishing to me, maybe because I am a first-time mom and don’t remember my youngest brother or my 4 nieces gaining weight so fast. Doesn’t help either that he seems to be in a rush to grow up, wants to stand, wants to sit up, he can already turn from his back to the left or right, it surprised me, I wonder what other surprises he may have in store for me.
I’ll just wait to see what he does next month, maybe he will be crawling by then, for now, it’s time for this mom to take care of her bouncing baby boy.
Teething is a nightmare.
February 11, 2014
My poor baby is suffering from this horrible affliction called teething. He wakes up in the middle of the night rubbing my gums furiously and crying his heart out, I try to help him with the teething toy, a cold washcloth, anything people tell me and he’s still so miserable. For the past two days this has been going on and I have had no sleep (When do I get to sleep?!) and it is taking its toll on me. Today when he had a nap I was going to nap too so I laid down and felt sleep coming on slowly….he wakes up and cries. I held him and rocked him back to sleep, I left him there in my arms and fell asleep with him, we got a good 2-hour nap and I felt awesome!!
After that nice long nap, he drank as he had never seen milk before, I took it as a sign that he wasn’t sick because I did have a little worrying thought that maybe he had gotten the cold from his cousins. Speaking of cousins, I was watching my youngest niece Yaya who is making 8 months soon while trying to watch little Navi. Kudos to parents with twins because I don’t know how you manage two under one. I was wearing Navi in his carrier and pushing Yaya in her stroller, not so bad but when you release the beast (Yaya) she is creeping everywhere and I mean everywhere! I was holding on to Navi and trying to keep her from dive-bombing off the bed, keeping her hands away from his hair. Don’t hit him Yaya! He’s too small for that! I was only too happy when my sister came back for her little minion.
Now I’m going to get started writing on a project I have been thinking of doing, it’s a bit challenging trying to write when Navi is up but he likes to listen to music like Mami and his stuff kangaroo is a pretty good talking buddy.
Birthday with a new baby
February 12, 2014
In exactly 5 days it will be my 27th birthday and I have no clue what to do to celebrate it. I have never really celebrated my birthday, it has always been just another day and gets me depressed, last year I had one of the best birthday surprises I have ever gotten in my whole life. A trip to France. I don’t know if I would trust going on another trip since that is how Navi was conceived. I love Navi but I do not love pregnancy or labor. I’m not even sure that it will be a good birthday just for the fact that I did something so amazing last year, how can I top going to France? I did so many things I have never done in my life before and will probably never get to do again.
I figured I’d go to our Agricultural fair with Navi and that’s it, I mean there isn’t any restaurant that I’m dying to go to, no club I am even remotely interested in seeing, nothing that is really calling out to me. Maybe that’s my problem, I’m so used to doing nothing that when I get a chance to do it I can’t find the enthusiasm for it. As the day gets closer and closer I am becoming even more depressed, who really gets excited about getting another year older.
I think I will make myself some cupcakes, or buy a cake, I am so not interested in making my own cake, there is just no satisfaction to be had from that, I can’t even pretend to be surprised that I got a cake or cupcakes because I would be the one doing it.
All I can do is wait and see what the day brings me.
Aww Shucks, I’m 27!
February 24, 2014
So last week Monday was my birthday and I didn’t do anything for it, I was fine with it since the Sunday we went to the agricultural fair and spent three hours there, I had him in his carrier and walking around was fine but standing in one place is the big problem, especially when he falls asleep. When he falls asleep in that carrier all his weight pulls down on my back and shoulders and I have to sit, luckily we were able to get a picnic table to sit and eat so I got to rest my back for a while. I can’t believe how big he got too, when I first started to put him in the carrier two months ago his head was not visible above the top, now my little baby can see over the top and look at everything, pretty soon he will be able to turn around in the carrier and lookout instead of inwards.
Yesterday, I was watching all the cardboard I had stashed away (Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder, I always think, let me keep this I can use it) and thought I would make a board game for my nieces. The ideas started pouring in after that initial thought, I developed characters, I found a good board layout, simple and easy because my nieces are 3-8 and anything too long they lose interest in. As far as the characters, I know how those girls are and they fight tooth and nail over what they think is the best character so I let them help design their own character so they will always have a character to play with and they won’t be stuck with one they don’t like. I’m still working on a name for the game, the object of the game, the rules, and the gameplay. I’m actually enjoying the development stage of the game, it makes me feel like I’m doing something instead of sitting around waiting for work.
My other project, on the other hand, is moving pretty slow, I finished the first chapter very fast but now the second chapter is fighting to come out, I know I just need to find a quiet place to concentrate and write but right now that seems to be unlikely to happen. Little man is not happy to sit and play, he’s more interested in being held so he can stand and bounce. He hates sitting, he hates laying down, oh no my almost 4-month-old baby wants to stand and he just can’t because his neck muscles still aren’t fully developed and my arms get too much of a workout dealing with his bouncing.
In a few years, you might hear all about my famous son who is a big-time ballet dancer in France. Heavens know the boy has the leg muscles for it. I can see him now in his white leotard, twirling and leaping across the stage and Mama being so proud tears flow from her eyes.
To be truthful this was supposed to have been posted a day after my birthday but I’ve been so busy that I only now got the chance to finish the post. That boy just does not let me do anything anymore. I haven’t combed my hair in weeks, I have to end this here because once more duty calls!
Depression
February 25, 2014
I’ve suffered from depression my whole life and have never taken anything for it, I must always rely on myself to get me up out of the dumps because like always “nobody understands”. It’s so easy to tell someone that they should focus on what they do have and not about what they can’t do or don’t have. Sometimes what you do have can’t pay the bills, it won’t help you protect and keep your family in a safe environment. It will not bring the sunshine back.
“What’s the point of it all?” I have never found the answer to that question, sometimes I just ignore the question but it is always there nagging at the back of my head, poking me when I am most vulnerable, What IS the point of it all?? I wish I knew, wish I could answer that question once and for all so that I never have to face off with it again. People will try to tell you the point of it all but their answers mean nothing because they aren’t you, how can they tell you what they don’t know, I’ve often wondered how someone who doesn’t live your life or even went through what you have can tell you what the point is, their words are like salt on an open wound continuously pouring and causing pain and they do it with an oblivious look in their eyes and a smile on their lips.
I’m a pessimist at heart, I don’t know how to change that or if I can, I’m 27 and pretty much set in my ways, be flexible they say but have you ever tried to bend an old rubber band? It either loses its shape and is no longer useful or it breaks. I think that’s what my problem is, I’m trying to change and losing my shape, I’m no longer the person who used to smile and laugh, I’m no longer the person who used to dream. I try to change to become what other people want and I have become a miserable weak creature.
“It will be better” What is better? How will I know when it’s better, who can tell me it’s better? The same people who tell me to focus on what I have? Will it become better when I get what I need? But I’m not supposed to focus on what I don’t have so once more how will I know… Of course, I am an argumentative person and nothing you say will change my mind, like a toxic mixture I am doomed to self-destruction.
I hate this feeling, I hate it so much, I feel helpless to do anything, I want to do something so bad and yet I don’t know what I want to do. Watching Naveen helps a bit, his little toothless smiles cheer me up, watching him play with his toes, concentrate so hard to grab something and he does it with the same facial expression his father gets when he’s doing something, makes me smile.
I think I’ll go hold my little boy while he’s still a little boy and just take this one day at a time.
Baby Clothing Sizes
March 1, 2014
I am annoyed, I am very annoyed, I am so annoyed that I am blogging about what is annoying me!
Baby clothes are cute and they come in all kinds of sizes for the many different aged and sized babies but and this is a very big but, why aren’t all clothes made by weight instead of age? Maybe some people don’t know how much their baby weighs but know how old they are. Fair enough but, not all babies born in the same month are the same size. My own baby is 4 months old and he wear 6 months and 6-9 months and very few 3-6 months…do you see the inconsistency of this? Why is he wearing so many different sizes? Because people have different sizing measurements for the different months.
You have to be on your toes when buying baby clothes because no two clothing labels will fit the same and if you think oh my son wears a 3-6 because they say a 3 month or a 6-month-old can fit it then you are in danger of losing money. Your baby could gain so much weight that the clothes he wore at 3 months will be too small at 4 months even if it was a 3-6 month. It’s like you have to buy in every size just so your baby won’t be out of clothes by next week and baby clothes are not cheap, I have spent less on my own clothing than I had to spend for my son, I don’t mind because I can get by he can’t because he doesn’t have years of clothes in his drawer but I am on a very tight budget and before you say shop online, not everyone ships to the Virgin islands and yes that includes clothing too, I know because I am always knackered over finding a very good sale and choosing things than going to check out only to find something saying “Sorry! We don’t ship to your current location.” don’t get me worked upon that subject, that is a blog for another day!
I am so frustrated by this because I had way more 3-6 than I had 6-9 and my poor son is only 4 months old and already too big for all the clothes he has. I think if it was done by weight instead I’d have more of a chance to keep more clothes longer, little man has steadily gained since he was born and it’s always 1-2 lbs in a month. Monday is his 4-month checkup and I’ll see if my guess is right and he’s a good 15-16 lbs or heavier.
Phew…..steam released, I feel better, now all I have to do is go out shopping for more clothes in bigger sizes and hope he doesn’t outgrow them too soon.
4-month checkup
March 13, 2014
I had meant for this post to be done so long ago, I can’t believe it has taken me this long to get back to my blog. Anyway, at his checkup he came in at 15 lbs 5 oz and was 25 inches, I was spot on for length and just a pound under. His pediatrician was very impressed with his neck support “Today is Naveen’s4-month checkup and I am curious to see how big my little baby has gotten. His last checkup was on December 31 at 2 months and 3 days, he came in at 11 lbs 14 oz and was 23 inches, I suspect he will be around 16 lbs and 25 inches.
My poor baby will also be getting 4 immunization shots today, I hate shots for myself so you can just imagine how anxious I am for him, I didn’t look at the last checkup and didn’t hold him down, his father did that but now that he won’t be going with us this time I’ll have to do it and I am literally making myself sick.” Naveen made 5 months on Friday not sure how much he weighs now but I’m pretty sure it’s close to 16 lbs if not 16 lbs already, I can’t hold him for long anymore because my back and arms can’t take it so he strolls in his umbrella stroller. Lately, I’ve gotten into the habit of strolling down and then back up the hill. It hurts so bad but it’s exercise.
8 Months
July 1, 2014
On June 28, 2014, my little baby made 8 months, it was also the 8th birthday of my second niece, the day before (June 27) had been the first birthday of my 4th niece. To be honest, the entire month had been crammed with birthdays of cousins, a brother, brothers-in-law, uncles, and my grandfather.
I can’t believe my baby is 8 months, I guess I’ll be saying this for the rest of my life, it’s really unbelievable that last year I was 5 months pregnant and not even feeling any kicks yet, didn’t have much of a belly either, now my little boy is holding on to the sofa to stand up and trying to walk.
Now for my niece’s 8th birthday, I made her a Doll Cake, I had only done this once before, and that was a good 5 years ago. I got frustrated because I couldn’t take my time on it so I feel like it wasn’t my best. My niece loved it so I guess it wasn’t so bad.
After 5 years maybe it’s not so bad but it’s still far from what I can accomplish, with some more practice I’m sure I can do a Doll Cake I can be proud of again.
Work
July 4, 2014
I am literally going out of my mind without any work, it’s been too long since I’ve been able to work and my bills are piling up. I’m so stressed that my hair is falling out and I’m pretty much always down. I know I shouldn’t stress so much about things I can not change but when you have a little baby who needs clothes, needs diapers and wipes, needs this or that and hospital bills so high you don’t know how you will pay them all back, stress will get you. I did manage to work for a little while last week which earned me $15 which then went into buying a box of diapers and some wipes. Yup easy come easy go even though I have never been the spending kind.
It doesn’t help my frame of mind either to remember how much I had saved up before I had Naveen, all that money went in the blink of an eye because of the cost of medication and hospital bills that I did get to pay. If I could get back to working and making $15 a day I would be happy but Naveen does not cooperate at all. He has become very clingy and I’m hesitant to leave him on the ground crying because he has a habit of trying to stand up by unstable things like the cupboard door or the open french doors. I’m also hesitant to put him in the stroller because he has figured out a way to stand partially in the stroller. Yeah, not good for one so faint of heart as myself.
I know little babies fall when they are learning how to stand and walk and little boys more so but it’s a completely different ball game when it’s your little baby. I’ve had mini heart attacks many times this past week, he pushed up into a stand from his froggy kneeling, and fell over on his head, he was holding onto the sofa and let go fell over onto his back. I swear my heart stops beating both times. Do you know how those movies do the slow-motion Noooos? That was me, I was so close but stopped and slapped my hands to my face Nooooooooo! Pathetic, I know. I could have reached him before he fell over but I suck in the face of a crisis. I’m ashamed of myself.
To try to make a few extra bucks I figured “Hey, why don’t I try freelancing!” Freelancing what though? I don’t have any degrees other than in Commercial Baking and Cake Decoration and not many people are looking for someone with that skill, especially not on the internet. Why not blogging? I barely keep up my own blog huh…Story writing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I haven’t even finished a full story in over 10 years. I am my worst critic so in the end I felt all dejected and decided not to try freelancing after all. Strangely enough, it did push me to go back to a story I was writing and see it with fresh eyes. I’m happy to say I’m back to working on it and trying my best to stick to it this time.
When Naveen naps, this momma will work!
Diaper Wars
July 6, 2014
When someone says to you “Diaper Wars” what is the first thing that comes to mind? Huggies vs. Pampers? Pampers vs. Luvs? No doubt it’s probably one of those combinations or even Cloth vs. Disposable, well I’m not going to talk about that kind of diaper war, I’m going to talk about a diaper war most mothers (I’m hoping) know about, the kind where you’re baby won’t stay still and you have to literally fight them to change their diaper.
Naveen has always been a pretty good baby when it came to changing his diaper, no fights, no fuss, no hassle, all that changed when he hit 8 months like it was a fricking magic number. He won’t just lay there and watch me with either his “What are you doing pervert?” or “Clean my butt loser” looks, nope, he has declared war on me and the diapers.
He will no longer lay there and be changed, he’s not even content to play his hand in whatever unholy mess he made, he means business when he turns and twists, screams, and literally flings his arms around. He doesn’t care if he makes a mess on the bed and frustrates me, nope he just wants to hang free and roam the land. Sometimes I almost want to let him go commando but there are three little girls in this house and the youngest likes to grab his diaper front (She just turned 1). I’m worried that if he’s just dangling along she might grab a handful and injure him and seriously, I do not want to go to the hospital with my 8-month-old and try to explain to them how my 1-year-old niece managed to grab his bits and spin them like a helicopter. So, we fight and he loses but I feel like I’ve lost too because an 8-month-old shouldn’t be able to aggravate you like this. I’m convinced I’m doing something wrong, why can’t I control a little baby??
Early warning, if I am not back before next week Friday, it means I have lost the battle and I’m chasing my diaper-less son around the house.
Today is Standing Day!
July 7, 2014
Today my little baby decided he was going to stand every chance he got, he didn’t just hold on to something and let go either, he pushes up from a crouch. It’s always so amazing to see him when he’s standing there for a few seconds before he falls. The feeling I get in my chest knowing that this is the little baby that was growing in my belly, I can’t describe it.
I’m a proud Momma right now, I know every baby is different, but when it’s your first you can’t help but feel like your baby is special.
That being said, yesterday I had this lofty idea that I would take a picture throughout this day to see what my day was like, when I woke up this morning (unwillingly might I add) I completely forgot about it and only remembered now. I guess I could still do it but it won’t be accurate and I’m kind of obsessive about things being accurate. I’m not even sure I will even attempt it tomorrow because when I really think about it, my day is boring. I don’t have much going on at all.
On the other hand, I did get a fair bit of writing done for my story, I devote a little time every day to it now, I got some done last night when Nabo fell asleep and I took a bit of time this morning when he was playing with his cousins, I’m hoping that I can get a bit more tonight too.
Ah the beauty of a mobile child, I have to track him down because he is super fast on his knees now, before he was slow and I could easily look down and he’d still be in the same spot, I can hear him with his older cousin so I know he’s not too far, until next time.
Anxiety…
July 9, 2014
So last night, Naveen went with me, my mother, and my father to see Think Like a Man Too, this was his 4th time going to the movies and it was bad, not as bad as going to see Godzilla and How to Train Your Dragon 2 but still pretty bad. We walked into the theater and sat down, he was fine, there were a few people in the theater but not too many. More people started to come in and he looked around and started to bawl. Then the commercials came on and they were pretty loud which made him cry even more. I tried to feed him to kind of distract him but he wasn’t having it, he started to push and throw his hands around, my mother had already seen the movie so she took him and went to the back with him (Thank you Mami!) I’m told he calmed down and went to sleep, he was still sleeping when she came back, it was going good but then a really funny part of the movie came up and all the laughter made him jump awake and it was back to square one.
I tried rocking him, holding him, feeding him, but he is not interested in any of it, he went back to my mother and calmed down again, my mother has the magic touch, what am I doing wrong that I can’t get him to calm down for me? Having 6 kids must have made my mother some kind of kid magnet because all of her grandkids go to her for comfort and they fight over her too! It’s a sobering thought though when we leave the Island for France, I won’t have my mother there with me to hold Naveen, she won’t get to see him grow up and I won’t have my mother to go to the movies with, yea I’ll finally have my little family together but I’m going to lose my family in the process. It’s not like they’re right next to each other or even 6 miles away, according to Google, it’s 4,386 miles apart.
My mother is a big coward when it comes to planes too, she can barely make it on a flight from St. Croix to Florida so I know she will never get on a plane to fly to France. I’m not even betting on any of my siblings visiting, I’m convincing myself that I’m going to be solo, the lone Crucian in French territory unless I count Naveen but he’s going to grow up there so he’ll be more French than Crucian. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that I won’t enjoy living in France but when you grow up on a tight-knit little Island with a specific culture that is found only on that little Island you tend to see the world differently than people from other places. I can write a book on the differences I have noticed already but I’ll leave that for another post. It’s time I go back to chasing behind my son and enjoying my family while they are still around.
Iron Deficiency, Birthday Parties, & Stress, Oh my!
September 9, 2014
I know, I haven’t been here in forever but I’m here now. I’ll try to catch you up on all the things that are going on with me and Naveen.
On Aug 28 he made 10 months, which is crazy because just yesterday he was a newborn, and before that, he was a bump in the belly, and even farther back he wasn’t even a thought in my head. I never in my life imagined the little boy that I see beside me right now, I’ve dreamed of a son before but I never thought I’d actually have one because I couldn’t imagine myself as a mother. I don’t think I see myself as other people see me, inside I’m still the same person I was when I was younger, I have grown yes but I’m still essentially the same person, the person who used to dream of one day being an author or an artist, the person who thought the world of her own mother and never felt like she could be the same kind of mother. I know that I can never be like my mother, she is a hard worker who did whatever it took to make sure her kids were taken care of and fought for the rights of her kids, I can be that kind of person but in my own way. I’m nothing like my mother, my sisters, my aunts, or my cousins, I am me and I have to do things in my own way, now that that’s out of the way let’s move on to more important things like Naveen’s routine blood test for WIC.
On July 28 Naveen went for a blood test to check his blood level and to see if everything was fine, when we got the results back everything came back as abnormal, they told me it probably meant he needed iron and it wasn’t a big deal but to make sure to show it to his pediatrician. His next Doctor appointment was on August 19 so I figured I’d give him some of that Poly-vi-sol vitamin just to be on the safe side. When his Doctor saw the results she was appalled, said it was way too low and that he’d need to go in for several blood tests to make sure that he just has low iron and not Sickle cell anemia. My heart just about dropped into my stomach, the thought of Naveen having Sickle cell and nobody even knowing at the hospital when he was born was a frightening thought. I was so worried, I couldn’t sleep, I would just watch Naveen and pray that everything was fine and he wasn’t sick. The tests were supposed to be very expensive and the little bit of money I have been able to make working went into diapers and wipes, sometimes clothes, and lastly shoes for Naveen. I had no idea how I was going to pay for the tests, my mother said she’ll try to help with some but she didn’t have that much money anyway and I already owed her for the last Doctor’s appointment. Thanks to Naveen’s Papa we had the money to go to the lab to get his blood tests done, it was $70 for the tests they did on Island and two other tests would be sent away to the states and I’d be billed.
On September 3rd we went to the lab, Naveen already hates this lab because he came here to take his first blood test which was just a finger prick, this time they were going to draw blood out a vein, the nurse brought out 4 huge vials and set about to take my baby’s blood, my mother didn’t think they should take all that blood from such a small baby and especially since he was very anemic, the nurse said it was Doctor’s orders but my mother put her shoe down and the head nurse had to come and she agreed that they didn’t need all that blood so they’d have to fill the vial only halfway. The nurse stuck poor Naveen in his arm and attempted to get his blood but Naveen is a fighter and he was screaming and kicking and the blood just wouldn’t come out so we called a halt to it and asked for a refund since this nurse clearly didn’t know what she was doing. We went to the Doctor’s office and she gave us a referral to do the blood test at the hospital where the nurses were more competent. So the next day we’re at the hospital to do the blood tests and I’m so nervous because I have no idea what this test will show, I hate to hear my baby cry and see them stick needles in his arm to take his blood. This time there are two nurses, one to help me hold down Naveen and the other to take his blood, it went so fast and they only took two small vials but it cost me $200. I’m fine with the $200 since they actually knew what they were doing and they were very pleasant.
Skip it to 2 days later and I get a call from his Pedi, he’s severely anemic and we have to start therapy right away. I think I was numb at this point, I just got up left the house, and picked up his prescription to start him on his Iron supplement. He’s taking 1 ml daily for a week then 2 ml for a week, then 3 ml the next week all the way up until he is taking 5 ml. The first day he took his iron was not easy, I tried to mix it with water and he absolutely refused to drink it so I ended up having to mix in some juice and he drank it with no problem. I have no idea if it’s increasing his iron levels yet but I have noticed an increased appetite, he now eats more table food than he was before, it’s not a nibble or two, and then leave. We have another Dr. appointment next week Friday, guess we’ll see if he has gained any weight and they’ll send us for another blood test.
Now about his birthday… Next month my baby will be 1 year old and I have nothing, no invitation, no theme, no plans, nothing. I know he won’t remember any of it but it feels like such a failure that I can’t even give him some cupcakes and a plate with his favorite character on it. I’m so depressed but I don’t show it because I have to be strong for my son and do the things he does need like iron supplements and blood tests. Hopefully, I can at least give him a cupcake with a number 1 candle…
All of these pictures have digital artifacts, my camera was pretty old at this time and it made me sad that I didn’t even know why my pictures had those weird squiggly lines in them.
Yesterday, December 30, 2012, my family and I hiked to the Tidal Pools on the Island of St. Croix, US Virgin Islands.
Let me start off by saying I had never been to the Tidal pools, didn’t know about them until recently even though I was born here and lived here my whole life. That being said I had no idea what I was getting myself into by saying I want to go on this hike.
First I got up around 8 am and started to get ready by having a quick shower, I knew I was going to sweat on the hike, without a doubt, only a mountain goat wouldn’t sweat after walking for 2 hours. Yes, this hike was 2 hours to get to the pools and 2 hours to walk back from the pools. So I showered and started filling my bottles of water, no cold water only room temperature, it wouldn’t do to shock my system by drinking ice cold water after walking in the hot hot sun for so long. Water-ready, I’m ready, got a call that said my cousin wasn’t going to be able to come even though he was the one who knew how to get there and was going to drive some of us down there so we didn’t have to hike. He’s not coming again, so my mother was like “Oh well, I guess we’ll do something else” naturally I was disappointed, I wanted to see these pools and it was a big letdown after waking up so early and filling up the bottles…I didn’t want to stay home or drive around, that’s boring.
I guess my aunt was feeling the same and my brother and other cousin had been there before, they knew the way so we decided to hike it still.
It was a long drive to the road where we would begin the hike, it was located near the Carambola Beach Resort and Spa which is on the West end of the Island and we live more towards the East End of the Island. Yes, the Island is small only 82.88 square miles but when you grow up here it seems very big. When we were close to the resort I started to take some pictures because the view is beautiful, I was happy taking pictures out the car window when I caught a man jogging in one of them, I have no idea who he is but he is now a centerpiece of one of my photos.
We drove up to the road, and started getting out of the cars, there were four cars in total, one car held me, my sister, one niece, and two of my brothers, the other car held my oldest sister, my youngest brother, my mother and my two other nieces. The third car held my aunt, my two cousins, and her two kids, the fourth car held my uncle, my other aunt, and their two kids. There were 19 of us in total and we were ready to hike this thing!
My brother and my cousin would lead the group since they’ve been there before, my sister had also been on the hike before but she stayed in the middle in case the group got separated for any reason. We began walking, and it seemed we had been walking forever, it was fine, I had my water, my bag holding my camera and sd card wasn’t heavy and I had a good pace….until it started going uphill. That was the worst part of the Hike for me, going uphill. I got winded so bad, I honestly believe my heart was going to give out on me right there on the trail, the others were still going and I could see them but I had to take a rest, I wasn’t alone, my cousin stopped beside me and then everyone else stopped ahead, the stragglers came up to us and stopped too. I had been on a hike before, was much earlier in the year but I had done worse, I didn’t pack any water that time so this time I was prepared. I took sips of water and calmed myself, drinking too much water would have made me sick and probably cause me numerous problems on the hike including having to drain fluid somewhere in the bushes…I wasn’t interested in doing that so skip it I did.
Taking our break
The break was over and it was time to move again, it’s been about an hour since we started to walk and some of the group was very tired, I wasn’t feeling too bad after sipping my water, my heart was even back to normal, I did feel a bit fatigued though, we continued walking but on even ground with a few dips here and there, we came upon a beehive of African Killer Bees, everyone had to be very quiet so we can walk past there without agitating the bees. It was very tense because of the little kids, just the slightest sound can bring a bee out of the hive. There we were trying to pass by the hive in single file quietly but rapidly so no one is stuck by there for a long time. We passed there successfully and continued on our journey.
Next, we had to walk by some tall grasses, it was such a pretty view that I stopped to take pictures, I told them to wait for me but they didn’t stop, I was up in the front so I wasn’t too worried about being left behind.
View from the tall grass
I should not have stopped, on the ground were hundreds if not thousands of red ants, and when I stopped they crawled up my legs, I hadn’t noticed but my cousin’s daughter was quick to tell me “You have lots of ants on your legs”, let me tell you the feeling was not pleasant, I started stomping and shaking my legs, brushing them off in hopes of getting these ants off but everywhere we walked there seemed to be more ants, we walked through some very tall grass that reminded me of scenes from the first Jurassic park, it was kind of amusing, the Velociraptors would be the red ants and they were biting!
On and on we walked with these ants just crawling all over the ground and onto our shoes even while walking rapidly, we finally reached a dirt road where there weren’t as many ants and I immediately started stomping my feet and brushing ants from my sneakers, one ant already bit me and I was not going to allow any of the others the chance to taste my flesh. We walked down the dirt road for a good while before coming up to a stony beach, finally, some of the younger kids thought, the beach! But this was not the end of our journey.
Stony beach before the pools
Nope, our journey was to take us over jagged rocks and brave rushing water with big waves, our destination was not this beach. I didn’t even know at the time that the pools were on the other side of the jagged rocks so I took some pictures of the view, and it was a spectacular view, the hills in the background, the water, and the rock outlines made for a beautiful display.
Then is when I learned that the Tidal pools I had walked over such treacherous terrain to view were some ways over on the other side of those rocks that can cut flesh and the waves crashed onto. I was game, terrified of slipping and being taken away to sea but still game. I have never climbed so fast in my life before, I felt like a monkey climbing for its life, clinging onto the rocks and looking for hand and footholds so I don’t fall into the rushing sea. I was thinking to myself is it worth it? I hope it’s worth it or I’ll be so upset.
When I finally reached the other side, the view answered my question.
My brother standing on the jagged rocks
It was worth it, I had never seen such a beautiful rock formation before in my life, the water was reflecting off of the rocks and forming a moving sparkling show for the eyes to behold, the water was clear and you could see fishes of blue and black swimming happily along the bottom of the Tidal pool…this…..this was totally worth, tripping over tree roots, nearly suffering heart failure and being bitten by red ants. I will never forget such natural beauty.
My youngest brother and oldest sister enjoying the Tidal pools
Crucianize 