This year in September will make four years since I moved to France and I still don’t have any friends, not really anyway. There’s nobody I feel relaxed enough to send a text message to or call and just sit around talk and laugh almost everyone I know over here is through my husband and your husband’s friends are not always your friends.
There is one woman who I occasionally share a “Bonjour” with that has no ties to my husband but that’s basically the extent of my French in public, “Bonjour”… I managed a “ça va” today because she and her son were not at school since last week Thursday and I did miss them. I wish so much that I can articulate what I want to say but at that moment I don’t even know what to say. I am honestly content just to walk beside them on our way to school and from school because it’s the loneliest feeling walking your child to school knowing you have nobody.
I’m trying to change that by taking one step at a time because a giant leap is likely to do some real damage to the progress I’ve made and let’s face it I’m a cautious person and I need to be comfortable talking to someone or it will never happen.
Moving on to another subject, years back I had another blog that I only used once because I didn’t understand how to use it, I finally merged it to this one so you can see my old blog post here My Hiking Experience. I kind of wish that I had more hikes to post about but we rarely go anywhere anymore. I suppose I could go out to the park when it’s warmer and beg to visit the castle since we haven’t been there since last year. I swear I’m going to be a chatty Cathy until I go to the lake and other nature sites.
If I do get my way and I probably will I’ll be sure to post pictures so you can enjoy the scenery with us.
For the past two days, I have been inspired to revisit an old story I started working on about two years ago. All my interest in it had fizzled and it just sat there stagnant until Thursday when I was going through my old stuff and saw it. Immediately I felt this need to dust it off and breathe some new life into it. It’s not finished by any means, you can say that it is barely begun so I won’t have a lot of work to dissect and can just start writing whenever I feel like it. I tried to remember just why I never began my story and why it was put into a coma and the only thing I could think of was that I didn’t have the voice to tell it. I firmly believe that if you haven’t connected with your storyline on a deep level it will never get anywhere. A forced storyline is never a good thing and if you have to force it why are you writing it in the first place?
I read over my files, I keep very detailed records of my storylines whether it’s in old notebooks or digital notebooks on Evernote or Google Docs. I have literally hundreds of half-built worlds and storylines, finished short stories that need good editing. What I do not have is the desire to do what I know needs to be done. It has been so hard for me to push through my depression and get back to what I have always enjoyed but this month I feel like I will be able to accomplish much.
I do a bit of poetry and have some works in progress on Wattpad that I have been focusing on lately. If you’re interested and registered on the site you can view my profile here at LLDove.
My pieces are anything but popular but I feel like they fall into very specific niches and they are special to me especially Tales of an Introverted Expat and The Silence Inside Me, both are poetry-based and reference my depression, anxiety, and selective mutism to an extent.
The piece I am working on now can be typed as a Romantic Comedy, it is called One Night Romeo.
Gia Joseph was tired of the small town she grew up in where everyone knew her as the recluse, she wanted a fresh start somewhere new and exciting. It was cliche to move to France with the hopes of finding love but what Gia found was an unforgettable one-nightstand. She couldn’t get this guy out of her head and against her better judgment began looking for him hoping that he was looking for her too. The problem with finding someone in a big city is that it’s nearly impossible to run into the same person twice, somehow fate intervened and Gia found her one night Romeo, unfortunately, he didn’t remember who she was!
Gia spends the entire summer manufacturing coincidental meet-ups with the hopes of reminding her Romeo of who she was and why he should be more than a one night Romeo
One Night Romeo
I can’t say when it will be finished but I do plan on working on it until I am satisfied with it.
It’s been almost three years since the loss and I think I’m finally breaking out of the what-ifs. I know in reality I will always wonder in the back of my mind just who this little person could have been, sometimes my mind conjures up images of a little girl, and other times it’s a little boy running around with Naveen. These days my mind takes another direction, I wonder will I ever attempt to have another? I think if I was assured of medical care and support from family I could attempt it but financially we might never have another child and that makes me sad. I wish things were different but it is what it is.
I’ve started exercising this month, I’ve been using the WeBurn app, you can download it on the App Store and on Google Play.
WeBurn stands for the most effective, short (7 minutes) and science-based Women HIIT Home Workouts that are fun to do and extremely motivating. Get your personal 7-minute Workout Plan, create your 7-minute Workout Challenge, turn on the music and get in the shape of your life!
Join the community for free and reach your fitness goals faster and with more motivation and fun than anywhere else: lose weight, build muscles, live healthy or just get fit.
I haven’t been active since I moved here and I wanted something I could do in the short space of time between dropping and picking Naveen up from school. It has a 4.7 rating on Google Play and the reviews were fairly good. Disclaimer: You do have to pay for the app but you can do two workouts for free. I do Body Shaping (135-162 KCAL) and Bikini Body (136-163 KCAL) which are free workouts. You can choose between three workout difficulties. Since I am a beginner I went with the Easier difficulty, I really didn’t want to start out hard and get discouraged. I gave myself one week to do the Easy one then I would try the Medium and see how I feel. It was a bit easy at first but by the second day, I was contemplating whether I had made a mistake but I stuck with it. Now that I’m heading towards my second week and will begin doing the Medium difficulty I’m a bit afraid, here is where my determination will really be tested.
I am not affiliated in any way with Cien or Lidl, I was not given these products to review or offered a reward for my review.
I was recently complimented on my clear skin, to be honest, I have never had much issue with my skin, one or two pimples over the years, my main problem is my raccoon eyes but they are hereditary so not much I can do about it except try to find a really good concealer.
Even if I’ve never had to battle bumps on my face I still try to take care of it, one of the first things I did when moving here was to find a good facial wash and moisturizer, I was not used to the cold and it was proving to me that I needed moisture more than anything in this unforgiving temperature, my husband bought me a Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse set that included a small bottle of bath oil, multipurpose oil, a candle, and hydrating cream.
These items served me well for a few months but I had run out and Nuxe is not the cheapest product to buy especially when you have a really small income. I needed something but I had no idea what to buy so I asked a friend what she used, her answer was Nuxe lol but she also mentioned that there was a line of products by Lidl called Cien and she had heard good things about it, Lidl, if you don’t know, is a German global discount supermarket chain, based in Neckarsulm, Germany, that operates over 10,000 stores across Europe and the United States. There is a Lidl very close to my home and it is very affordable so I decided to give it a try.
I picked up the Crème Hydrante Aqua for 2,99€
Made with Glycerol and Pantherol.
This cream will deeply moisturize your skin and protect it from the harmful effects of the sun thanks to its UV filter. Its formula is without mineral oils which allow for better absorption of the cream, without leaving a greasy effect, it promotes the oxygenation of the skin.
Essential protection for all skin types.
No added Mineral Oils.
A great success and a recognized quality that allowed him to be acclaimed by a jury of consumers during the 12th Victoires de la Beauté.
I also picked up the Aqua Rich Gel Nettoyant for a little under 2€.
For clean and fresh skin.
For Normal and Mixed skin.
Lastly, I picked up the Eau Micellaire Refraichissment for a little under 2€.
Facial Cleanser
Makeup Remover
Refreshing
Now, this was my first time using a Micellar Water I don’t know if it’s usual for it to leave your face feeling dry but this one does that, I always put on some of the moisturizers after using this, it works really well for removing makeup and I especially love that it’s a pump bottle I just have to press my cleansing pad down on the tip and the product comes up and wets my cleansing pad, this bottle design leads to less product wastage and one bottle can last you a pretty long time.
I’ve been using these products for a year and a half now and I think they do their jobs very well, my face has never been more smooth or soft, if I don’t moisturize around my nose it can get pretty dry but not with these products. In total, I think all the products came up to less than 7€.
If you’re in France and don’t have a lot of money to spend or just like a good bargain I’d highly suggest buying these products from Lidl.
You know that feeling when you open your mailbox and there’s something in there with your name on it? I don’t really experience that feeling, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve ever received anything, I don’t really order anything online, I’ve gotten some books in the mail, some clothes as well but that’s about it. Every time I go out to the box I am not really expecting anything but still feel a little disappointed that everything is for my husband, he gets packages all the time, sometimes I have to sign for them and that is a tale for another day.
So imagine my joy when I opened my mailbox yesterday and inside was a package with my name on it, I was overjoyed, I ripped it open with quickness and inside was a box that said Marc Jacobs Beauty. Let me back up just a bit and tell you about this package. I’ve been a member of a website called Influenster (it’s a website that sends you products to test for your honest review) I think it’s been about three to four years, so right around the time when I was pregnant, if you’re new to my blog I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy) which basically made me an invalid for nine months, I then went through postpartum depression and post-traumatic stress disorder which lasted for about a year. In 2015, I moved from my Caribbean home and went through a series of terrible events. The loss of my puppy, finding out my mother was in the hospital, I was taking punches left and right but the worst one was losing my second baby. What should have been the happiest time of my life was stained with dark spots that I couldn’t find a way out from.
I’ve always been weak to dark moods and Expat depression added itself to my growing pile, while I always seemed to find myself out of my foul moods this one seemed enormous. What helped was finally being able to talk to my mother online, she hates the internet but there was no other way for us to communicate. My days seemed a little sunnier, one of my brothers who had a distaste for social media also joined and I found myself happy.
I got off-topic, my apologies, I can ramble on and on sometimes, anyway I was very sick and couldn’t do much with my Influenster account so it laid dormant for years. This year I decided to get more active on it, I reviewed products I had already used, I answered questions, I followed accounts, I was enjoying myself, out of nowhere I got a survey asking if I wanted to be sent a product to review, I answered yes and about two weeks later I got a message saying I was chosen!
I was thrilled, along with no interest in my Influenster account I hadn’t been using my makeup kit much, so I relished the chance to go back to something that gave me a little joy in life, I’m nowhere near to being MUA status, not even close I just enjoy enhancing my features. I have to be honest when I say my happiness was wearing off a bit when I saw everyone else reviewing their VoxBoxes and I was still without my product, see the way my mind works it immediately jumped to the worst scenarios, I swore my box got lost or someone stole it, I questioned whether I put the right address in, my mind was whirling and then yesterday there it was.
Disbelief and exhilaration, I wanted to do everything right to make sure I did the review right and they would choose me again.
Marc Jacobs Velvet Noir Mascara Volume Spectaculaire VoxBox
Testing out my new mascara.
A little eyeliner and mascara make me feel pretty!
I’ve been testing the mascara now for three days and have to say that I’m pretty much in love with it, the mascara goes on smoothly and gives an instant boost to my lashes, and let’s not joke about it but my lashes are not the best, they are short, thin, and not at all impressive which is why I was shocked to see how long and luscious it got from the mascara. There is just one thing I don’t care for about the mascara, it is on the heavier side, if I use three swipes of mascara my lashes will clump horribly so what I did to fix this issue was to go over it with another mascara brush, I was able to separate the lashes to fully enjoy the length and dark color the mascara provided.
In the picture above I applied the mascara to just my right eye and you can see for yourself the difference the mascara has made to my pitiful lashes. I don’t think I will ever leave the house again without using my Velvet Noir mascara even if I use nothing else.
Hello, long time no see… Entirely my own fault, I ended up in a very deep depression and I was not being truthful to myself about how deep I was, every day I would say it’s no big deal I’m not too bad, and then next I’m crying in a corner by myself. I had to take a step back and work on myself, I’m happy to say that while I’m not 100 percent better, I’m in a place where I don’t feel like everything is dark. It’s been about two years since my last post and almost three years since my move to France, I’ve been working on my French, I can understand a bit now, I can reply in my head sometimes but the words don’t seem to come out unless it’s “Bonjour/ Bonsoir/ Bonne Nuit” “Oui”, or “Je sais pas”. Pitiful I know, I’ve been doing workbooks, watching tv shows, talking to my son although he tells me I’m not supposed to speak French to him, I have also been doing some genealogy. My paternal family is French from the French Antilles so I have been using my tiny bit of French to read the birth, marriage, and death certificates, it has been so rewarding because I learned a lot of new words and I can now identify them without having to look them up or translate them, also we watched some movies in French, my absolute favorite was Coco, I was actually able to follow along with most of the storyline and understand most of the movie, a weird thing happened whenever I hear the songs in English I automatically hear them in French in my head, I find this very fascinating. I suppose it’s because I’ve never heard the songs in anything but French so I stored it away under French vs watching movies I saw in English in French. Anywho, what other updates, my little bean will soon be five years old, I shaved my head last year, I have a very nice curly Afro now, shrinkage means that it’s long but you’ll never be able to guess that unless I twist, braid, or flat iron my hair. I’ve also been working on a story, the title is a bit TBA at the moment but I can share my synopsis with you. Here is what I’ve been working on since late last year.
An Irish jeweler living in a small town buys a new journal, upon opening said journal he discovers that it’s already filled with mysterious writings. He tries to return the book to the store, but they have no records of it ever being sold by them, the jeweler decides to read the journal in the hope that there would be clues to the identity of the owner, he discovers that a young woman might be in trouble and he might possibly be her only hope.During the course of his investigation, the Jeweler uncovers an old family secret and begins questioning everything that he has ever held about the world around him. He must now find the owner of the journal and help rescue a young woman before it is too late.
Once it’s completely finished I’ll be sure to link it here for your reading pleasure, that is if you are interested in reading it…
I have so much to talk about, a lot has happened since the last time I updated the blog, Naveen turned one and then two, I started a blog post for his first birthday and got completely side tracked, I honestly don’t know what happened.
Anyway here is the piece of blog from his first birthday.
The day is finally here, I was up at 3:00 am writing this, the same time my water ruptured, it’s so strange the difference in the days. One was to bring a life into the world the other is insomnia while celebrating the life that was brought into the world. My mind has been zooming for five days it seems, always worrying, thinking, wondering, hoping, not about the birthday gifts since I got those weeks ago, more about the cupcakes and if they will be good and how I’ll make it through this day.
My baby is 1 year old, my itty bitty baby that I was still in shock about the fact that I was having one. Mama is just sitting here in the dark watching all the pictures of her little boska wondering where the time went, remembering how tiny you were, how precious your face was, it’s still precious but now I know that you are a little imp who only looks for Mama when something goes wrong.
There’s a baby in there! – 2014
Seems like….I was going to say “a year ago that I wrote that” and it was a year ago, epic fail huh!
Anyway, this update is to say that we are finally in France with Papa and have been here almost three months, can you believe that? Last time I wrote in here I was stressing and wondering if we would ever make it to France and now we’ve been here for almost three months. The journey here was not easy, it was not easy at all. It included plans gone awry, worry about being able to pay for tickets, people backing out of taking the journey with us, a trip to Canada and Florida in the US, it was wild and I’ll probably go into it at a later date.
For now I just want to say we are here and enjoying it so far!
Now I will go into detail a little bit of how our trip went. We flew out of St. Croix to Miami, my mother, youngest brother, myself and Naveen. Naveen was completely wiped out when we landed, this was only his second trip so it’s understandable.
We met up with my cousins Ellis and Joshua and also my middle brother Lucas and his girlfriend. We took the day to do some adventuring and let Naveen experience a bit of Florida. We wanted to go to the Flesh-Eating museum but it was closed, unfortunately, one day maybe.
My uncle and aunt met up with us as well and we walked around a bit and for our last day we had dinner at an Asian restaurant with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was a nice family get together.
We were off to Philadelphia for our layover to Montreal, the airport has a little play area that occupied Naveen for a while so that he wouldn’t be bored while waiting for our plane.
It was finally time for us to fly over to Quebec and meet up with Marvin, I honestly can’t describe my feelings that day, I mean it had been a year and some months since we had seen each other, I missed him of course but I was dealing with a whole lot of emotions from my pregnancy and having to be single parent for a while. Looking back on it I can see where I was not in touch with my emotions and treated him in a way he didn’t deserve. I knew if he could have he would have been back to the Island.
Seeing my son and husband together again was the best feeling.
Crucianize 