Today I’m going to talk about being in confinement after giving birth. While I was in the hospital Naveen was on break from school and Marvin was home from work so I didn’t have to worry about who would watch him.
When I got out of the hospital it was time for Naveen to go back to school but he had a cold so he went one day and was sent home the next and stayed home on Friday. We thought he’ll be fine to go on Monday but then the schools were closed and Naveen never got to go back to school.
We could still go out at that point so we would go for walks which were important for me since I had to walk for my recovery from the C-section. It was good to be outside feeling the cool air and not being cooped inside the house or stuck in the hospital. I stayed there for a whole week!
Everything was ok and then we went into confinement, stay home unless you absolutely need to go out, have your attestation of you will be fined, we stayed inside. Naveen didn’t understand why he wasn’t going to school and why we couldn’t go to the park or see his grandparents.
I tried to explain to him in a way he would understand and I think he got it.
My husband is still working during the pandemic so it’s just me, Naveen, and Oyanie. Due to Oyanie waking up every two hours at night to eat we usually stay in bed until the afternoon. I try to get a little extra sleep but I’m still so very tired when we get up to go downstairs. Sometimes Naveen comes into the room and lays in the bed with Oyanie and me but he’s mostly up early and downstairs. I try to make sure that he has something to eat and occupy himself with.
While I’m taking care of the baby I sometimes wonder if I’m neglecting Naveen and try to include him or I’ll put the baby down to give him extra attention. It’s hard having two kids especially now when the baby is so small and needs so much more of my attention.
Naveen has been a good big brother though, he always asks me if I need help and will bring bottles upstairs for me, reach diapers and wipes, he kisses his sister and wants to hold her.
He will sometimes feed her so I can make myself something to eat or when I need to do something else.
I think I’m adjusting well to having two children, especially in these strange times. If I’m being honest I’ve been suffering a bit from being stuck at home, given how my pregnancy went where I was stuck at home with only doctor visits as my time outside it’s only a given that I’d go stir crazy without a reason to go outside. I miss the air and the sun and I wish things go back to normal soon.
Before I forget to mention it Oyanie made one month on March 22, one month already it seemed like I just had her. Time is going by so fast.
Today I’m going to talk about my C-section experience.
When I found out I only had two options either attempt a breech birth or have a C-section I was numb, I researched breech births like crazy and they are such a gamble. “What if my baby’s head got stuck in my pelvis?” this was the biggest question on my mind and I just wasn’t comfortable with the idea that it could happen.
I asked my husband what he thought the C-section was the better choice.
It was decided, I’d have a C-section, sure there was a chance that the baby could turn down on her own but there was a bigger chance of me going into labor with her still being breech. A scheduled C-section was the way to go.
February 20 and we’re in the hospital for a routine check-up, they check to see if the baby had turned but she was still breech, here is where it gets crazy…
The doctor calls in for me to have my C-section tomorrow!
I thought I would have more time to get used to the idea and read up on aftercare and all that but no, they just drop that bomb on me.
I’m not going to lie but I cried, I was scared, I had to stay in the hospital and wait for my C-section.
There I was in a room all alone with so many thoughts going around in my head. I was not expecting this and I didn’t know how to handle this situation. I tried to relax as much as I could and get some rest.
It’s the next day and I’m waiting for my husband to arrive, the nurses came into the room and wheel me down to check if the baby is still breech, she’s still in her cozy spot under my ribs, I’m wheeled back to my room and told to shower with Betadine.
I’ve showered and in the hospital gown when my husband and mother-in-law arrive, now we wait for them to take me to the Operating Room.
We wait and we wait but nobody is coming, finally, in the afternoon someone comes and says that there were emergencies so my C-section won’t happen today. I’m spending another night in the hospital alone.
Here I am again, another morning full of nerves waiting to get taken to my first surgery, nurses come and go, I’m waiting for Marvin to arrive, I’m terrified of being taken to the OR without him, a nurse comes to the room and tells me I’ll go in the afternoon, all I can do is sit and watch the clock.
Marvin walks into the room and I’m relieved, I won’t be alone after all! I let him know that they said the operation was going to be in the afternoon. So we wait.
A little afternoon two male nurses come to wheel my bed down to the OR, they take me down corridors, into the elevator, and finally, to the OR waiting room, Marvin wasn’t allowed in and I wouldn’t see him again until I was taken into the actual OR.
While I’m in the waiting room the nurses are asking me questions and getting me ready for the operation. All this time I don’t know where Marvin is or if I’ll see him before the C-section.
The nurses transfer me from my bed to this table like a gurney and wheeled this into the OR, I see Marvin and the nurses start prepping for the surgery.
It’s time to get the spinal and I’m shaking, it’s a needle in my spine, with my needle phobia I’m a wreck. I have to bend really far forward and they warn me that I’d feel a prick. It was like a bee sting, this was followed by pressure and they lay me down. I started to feel a cool sensation in my lower region, my feet felt heavy but I could still wiggle them a bit. I was scared I was going to feel them cutting into me.
Up went the curtain, a cap was placed on my head, oxygen was put into my nose, I felt detached from my surroundings. I guess somewhere in my floating they placed a catheter because I did not feel it at all.
I’m just there watching the blue curtain and occasionally feeling a tug on my body when I hear a baby cry, I’m almost in tears but I hold it in. I cried enough.
They bring her around the curtain and place her next to me.
My daughter was out, the first thing I thought was that I wouldn’t feel her head in my ribs anymore.
Now they’re going to stitch me up, I watch Marvin walk off with the baby and it was back to staring at the blue curtain until they finished. They roll me out of the OR and quickly transfer me back to my bed.
They want me to move my feet but they won’t cooperate. I feel like I’m in Kill Bill, I kept telling myself wiggle your big toe. I’m not sure how much time passed but finally, I could move my toe and then my feet, once I could move both my legs it was back to my room.
Once back in my room I see Marvin and Oyanie waiting for me.
I’m still not feeling my lower region completely and a nurse removed the catheter, I’m supposed to get up and pee on my own.
My legs feel like rubber and they’re shaking like crazy but I managed to stand up with the help of the nurse, I’m unable to pee so she makes me drink a lot of water and promises to return in an hour.
An hour passes and the nurse is back, she helps me stand again and once more I try to pee, this time it’s a success.
During all of this, my incision is painful and I’m taking all the meds they give me.
I can’t help but compare it to my vaginal delivery and wish I had been able to have another one.
I originally posted this on my Facebook page so I’m reposting it here.
Hey guys, I was going to write this post like two days ago but my baby seems to hate sleeping at night right now and I’m seriously suffering from sleep deprivation. It’s afternoon and I’m still in bed where she’s laying on my chest finally sleeping. Since she made a month she’s been in a growth spurt and I know it won’t last long but for now, it’s rough.
So, today I’m going to talk about finding out that my baby was breech and going for an ECV or External Cephalic Version. An ECV is where they try to flip the baby by pushing on your stomach. ECVs are not always successful and there are risks involved but you can say at least you tried.
I was about 36 weeks when I heard the word siège, I didn’t know what that was so when I got home I googled it. Bébé en siège is the French term for a breech baby, I already knew that she wasn’t head down because I could feel her head on my left side and in my ribs when she turned. Let me tell you feeling the baby’s head in your ribs is not pleasant at all. Sometimes it felt like she was pulling my ribs apart. I avoided laying on my stomach because that made the pain worse.
So my baby is breech, I had four options, try an ECV, wait for the baby to turn down by herself, attempt a breech birth, or go for a C-section.
We opted to try the ECV, I was 37 weeks at that time, I went into labor at 37 weeks with my son so I was a little afraid that I’d go into labor before the ECV. The baby stayed put and we went to the hospital, they had me change into a gown and lay on a hospital bed. I was given pain meds because an ECV can be uncomfortable.
The doctor came in and tried to explain to me what she was going to do, my French isn’t the best so I didn’t get everything but I understood the gist of the situation. She verified that baby was still in the breech position and attempted the ECV. It was painful, she dug her fingers deep into my stomach and tried to turn baby but because the baby was tucked up into my ribs she couldn’t move her. I was so happy she didn’t try again because I didn’t think I could take that pain for a second time.
They kept me for an hour or two so that my stomach could stop contracting. Going into labor is one of the risks of doing an ECV.
With this failed ECV I only had three options left, wait for the baby to turn on her own, attempt a breech birth, or have a C-section.
I was terrified of having a C-section and the risks of a breech birth were scary. I went home and tried all kinds of exercises that were supposed to help the baby turn down but none of them worked. My baby was content to be up in my ribs and I knew that I would most likely end up having a C-section.
Hey guys, like I promised I’m going to talk a little about everything that’s happened since my break from writing.
Today I’m going to talk about being diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.
So I never had to do the glucose test with that awful drink, with my Hyperemesis Gravidarum there’s no way I’d have been able to do it, instead, I had to do a blood test and when we got the results my midwife said the sugar level in my blood was pretty high which could indicate Gestational Diabetes. She was going to ask a colleague to take a look and that was that.
About a week or two weeks later I had an appointment at the hospital and there I was officially diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I was shocked. Here was this nurse telling me I had to stick my fingers 4 times a day and check my blood sugar before and after eating and I couldn’t eat a lot of my favorite foods. I have a deep fear of needles so this was not something I was looking forward to or even sure I would be able to do. My only relief was that I didn’t have to inject myself with insulin I just had to try to maintain the Diabetes with a diet change.
So we home with a bag full of items I’d need to check my blood. I felt defeated like I was already suffering from Hyperemesis and pubic pain and now my body was punishing me with Gestational Diabetes. Like everything else in this entire pregnancy I had no choice but to get on with it because my baby needed me to do it and I was not going to lose this baby too.
The first week was hard, I was so afraid of the needle that I asked Marvin to do it, he complied and I felt like the biggest wuss. It wasn’t painful at all but I will wasn’t sure I could do it myself but I had to because Marvin had to work and I had to check my levels before and after lunch.
I had to get over my fear, I learned to just go with the flow and prick my finger, it really wasn’t that bad after all.
The diet change was the toughest part of this thing, I couldn’t eat this or that and sometimes I’d get a spike in blood sugar eating something that was fine the previous day. I have never eaten so many green things in my life, so many unsatisfying meals.
The following week we were back in the hospital and I was put on insulin, my worst fear realized, I would have to inject myself with insulin. You have no idea how much this terrified me, I would literally shake while trying to inject myself that I was afraid I’d break the needle in my skin.
Like with the finger pricks I had to do it and I gradually became a pro at it.
In the end, I can say it was worth it as Oyanie was born at a good size and had no blood sugar issues.
Yesterday my son went back to school and it was both awesome and horrible.
Usually, I walk him to school, pick him up for lunch, drop him back, then pick him up after school.
I walk for all of this but since I got pregnant I’ve not been able to walk very far or for very long which proved to be difficult for the coming school year so my husband and I decided Naveen would eat lunch in school this year saving me the lunch trip but that left dropping and picking up. In the end, it was decided my husband would drop him and pick him up.
That left me free from doing anything which would be too difficult.
Except now I have nothing to fill my time and I find myself wishing there was something to do. I tried watching a little TV, working on the computer, reading a bit but I wound up just tiring myself and ended up taking naps throughout the day until it was time for both Naveen and Marvin to come home.
I’m continuously in awe of women who manage to work while being pregnant and even more so for those suffering from Hyperemesis. I’ve noticed that without medication I would be starved, dehydrated, throwing up every hour but with medication, I’m in a dazed state like everything is happening around me and I’m watching it happen from behind a gauzy veil. I’m not sure which state is better, to be honest. Aware but unable to do anything or unaware and able to do some things.
One thing I’ll be happy about is these posts, without them I’m sure I wouldn’t remember anything from my pregnancy.
I have so much to talk about, a lot has happened since the last time I updated the blog, Naveen turned one and then two, I started a blog post for his first birthday and got completely side tracked, I honestly don’t know what happened.
Anyway here is the piece of blog from his first birthday.
The day is finally here, I was up at 3:00 am writing this, the same time my water ruptured, it’s so strange the difference in the days. One was to bring a life into the world the other is insomnia while celebrating the life that was brought into the world. My mind has been zooming for five days it seems, always worrying, thinking, wondering, hoping, not about the birthday gifts since I got those weeks ago, more about the cupcakes and if they will be good and how I’ll make it through this day.
My baby is 1 year old, my itty bitty baby that I was still in shock about the fact that I was having one. Mama is just sitting here in the dark watching all the pictures of her little boska wondering where the time went, remembering how tiny you were, how precious your face was, it’s still precious but now I know that you are a little imp who only looks for Mama when something goes wrong.
There’s a baby in there! – 2014
Seems like….I was going to say “a year ago that I wrote that” and it was a year ago, epic fail huh!
Anyway, this update is to say that we are finally in France with Papa and have been here almost three months, can you believe that? Last time I wrote in here I was stressing and wondering if we would ever make it to France and now we’ve been here for almost three months. The journey here was not easy, it was not easy at all. It included plans gone awry, worry about being able to pay for tickets, people backing out of taking the journey with us, a trip to Canada and Florida in the US, it was wild and I’ll probably go into it at a later date.
For now I just want to say we are here and enjoying it so far!
Now I will go into detail a little bit of how our trip went. We flew out of St. Croix to Miami, my mother, youngest brother, myself and Naveen. Naveen was completely wiped out when we landed, this was only his second trip so it’s understandable.
We met up with my cousins Ellis and Joshua and also my middle brother Lucas and his girlfriend. We took the day to do some adventuring and let Naveen experience a bit of Florida. We wanted to go to the Flesh-Eating museum but it was closed, unfortunately, one day maybe.
My uncle and aunt met up with us as well and we walked around a bit and for our last day we had dinner at an Asian restaurant with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was a nice family get together.
We were off to Philadelphia for our layover to Montreal, the airport has a little play area that occupied Naveen for a while so that he wouldn’t be bored while waiting for our plane.
It was finally time for us to fly over to Quebec and meet up with Marvin, I honestly can’t describe my feelings that day, I mean it had been a year and some months since we had seen each other, I missed him of course but I was dealing with a whole lot of emotions from my pregnancy and having to be single parent for a while. Looking back on it I can see where I was not in touch with my emotions and treated him in a way he didn’t deserve. I knew if he could have he would have been back to the Island.
Seeing my son and husband together again was the best feeling.
Fair warning this post is going to be as long as the last post since I merged several of my old short blog pieces into one long blog post it goes from November 30, 2013, to September 9, 2013. It is a bit longer than the last one and I hope the length doesn’t scare anyone away.
Yes, he’s here
November 30, 2013
This is a very late update but my little Naveen was born on October 28, 2013, at 7:58 pm.
After such a trying pregnancy my labor was pretty difficult as well. 16 hours, Pitocin, and 20 stitches to repair 2nd-degree tears. I’m pretty sure he will be an only child and it’s a bit depressing because I always wanted more than one but my body can’t handle birthing more than one.
I said adoption was an option but deep down I wonder what a little girl that is biologically mine will look like.
Three Months Later
January 31, 2014
It has been three months since my son was born and it has been very interesting, I go to sleep and wake up to the cutest little face, yea I wake up, every two hours. I am pretty much always exhausted and have permanent dark circles under my eye, they’ve always been there but are much darker now. When we do wake up at 4, I change his diaper so there won’t be any accidents in the rest of the night. It is then that Mr. decides he wants to play. He smiles, he squirms, he flails his arms and kicks his feet and all I want to do is go back to sleep. If he was ever like this in the belly I have no clue, I was always passed out either from exhaustion or sleeping pills. It doesn’t make much sense to me that he will want to play, he goes back to sleep not even an hour later. I am left scratching my head more often than not.
Now that he is 3 months old Navi has learned to lift his head, grab things, and roll from his belly to his back, he even laughs, it’s a rare thing because he is such a serious boy. I’m getting to understand who this little person is a bit better every month. It’s still an indescribable feeling knowing that this baby grew inside of me for all those months and almost killed me in the process. I’ll never let him forget how painful it was so he better be a very good boy while growing up.
I’m a Warrior…
February 6, 2014
Dark circles under my eyes Back pain that doesn’t go away A crying 3 months old next to me A cold trying to come on
I have to get up to take care of him, I can’t let body pain and a tiny cold stop me from doing what I have to, I have nobody to lean on, I can do it alone. I am a Mother, I am a Protector, I am a Warrior.
Every night with no-fail, my 3-month-old goes to sleep at 11 pm and wakes up at 2 am and 4 am and finally at 7 am with no intention of going back to sleep until 12 pm, by then it’s too late for me to try to catch a few extra sleep because I have too many things to do, I have to make myself breakfast, I have to wash clothes, I have to try to make some money to buy the essentials; diapers, wipes, clothes.
To make things worse, little man is in the teething stage, if he was hard to put to sleep before, now he is just impossible. I usually try to rock him and it’s either a hit or a miss. Now I strap him into his carrier and walk around the house, he’s pushing 14 lbs while I’m a skinny 92, you can just imagine the pain I have in my back, shoulders, and neck. I can’t admit defeat no matter how much it hurts because baby must sleep so that I don’t pass out while he’s awake. I don’t know what is about the carrier that puts him out but whatever it is I am grateful. Maybe it reminds him of being inside the womb, who knows, I just hope it continues to be my good luck charm.
All that aside, my little man is growing up so fast and I’m becoming weepy, I had such a rough pregnancy and wanted it to be over fast and now that he’s here time is going by so fast I wish it would slow for a while. From a tiny 5 lb 6 oz baby to 14 lbs in just 3 months, it’s astonishing to me, maybe because I am a first-time mom and don’t remember my youngest brother or my 4 nieces gaining weight so fast. Doesn’t help either that he seems to be in a rush to grow up, wants to stand, wants to sit up, he can already turn from his back to the left or right, it surprised me, I wonder what other surprises he may have in store for me.
I’ll just wait to see what he does next month, maybe he will be crawling by then, for now, it’s time for this mom to take care of her bouncing baby boy.
Teething is a nightmare.
February 11, 2014
My poor baby is suffering from this horrible affliction called teething. He wakes up in the middle of the night rubbing my gums furiously and crying his heart out, I try to help him with the teething toy, a cold washcloth, anything people tell me and he’s still so miserable. For the past two days this has been going on and I have had no sleep (When do I get to sleep?!) and it is taking its toll on me. Today when he had a nap I was going to nap too so I laid down and felt sleep coming on slowly….he wakes up and cries. I held him and rocked him back to sleep, I left him there in my arms and fell asleep with him, we got a good 2-hour nap and I felt awesome!!
After that nice long nap, he drank as he had never seen milk before, I took it as a sign that he wasn’t sick because I did have a little worrying thought that maybe he had gotten the cold from his cousins. Speaking of cousins, I was watching my youngest niece Yaya who is making 8 months soon while trying to watch little Navi. Kudos to parents with twins because I don’t know how you manage two under one. I was wearing Navi in his carrier and pushing Yaya in her stroller, not so bad but when you release the beast (Yaya) she is creeping everywhere and I mean everywhere! I was holding on to Navi and trying to keep her from dive-bombing off the bed, keeping her hands away from his hair. Don’t hit him Yaya! He’s too small for that! I was only too happy when my sister came back for her little minion.
Now I’m going to get started writing on a project I have been thinking of doing, it’s a bit challenging trying to write when Navi is up but he likes to listen to music like Mami and his stuff kangaroo is a pretty good talking buddy.
Birthday with a new baby
February 12, 2014
In exactly 5 days it will be my 27th birthday and I have no clue what to do to celebrate it. I have never really celebrated my birthday, it has always been just another day and gets me depressed, last year I had one of the best birthday surprises I have ever gotten in my whole life. A trip to France. I don’t know if I would trust going on another trip since that is how Navi was conceived. I love Navi but I do not love pregnancy or labor. I’m not even sure that it will be a good birthday just for the fact that I did something so amazing last year, how can I top going to France? I did so many things I have never done in my life before and will probably never get to do again.
I figured I’d go to our Agricultural fair with Navi and that’s it, I mean there isn’t any restaurant that I’m dying to go to, no club I am even remotely interested in seeing, nothing that is really calling out to me. Maybe that’s my problem, I’m so used to doing nothing that when I get a chance to do it I can’t find the enthusiasm for it. As the day gets closer and closer I am becoming even more depressed, who really gets excited about getting another year older.
I think I will make myself some cupcakes, or buy a cake, I am so not interested in making my own cake, there is just no satisfaction to be had from that, I can’t even pretend to be surprised that I got a cake or cupcakes because I would be the one doing it.
All I can do is wait and see what the day brings me.
Aww Shucks, I’m 27!
February 24, 2014
So last week Monday was my birthday and I didn’t do anything for it, I was fine with it since the Sunday we went to the agricultural fair and spent three hours there, I had him in his carrier and walking around was fine but standing in one place is the big problem, especially when he falls asleep. When he falls asleep in that carrier all his weight pulls down on my back and shoulders and I have to sit, luckily we were able to get a picnic table to sit and eat so I got to rest my back for a while. I can’t believe how big he got too, when I first started to put him in the carrier two months ago his head was not visible above the top, now my little baby can see over the top and look at everything, pretty soon he will be able to turn around in the carrier and lookout instead of inwards.
Yesterday, I was watching all the cardboard I had stashed away (Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder, I always think, let me keep this I can use it) and thought I would make a board game for my nieces. The ideas started pouring in after that initial thought, I developed characters, I found a good board layout, simple and easy because my nieces are 3-8 and anything too long they lose interest in. As far as the characters, I know how those girls are and they fight tooth and nail over what they think is the best character so I let them help design their own character so they will always have a character to play with and they won’t be stuck with one they don’t like. I’m still working on a name for the game, the object of the game, the rules, and the gameplay. I’m actually enjoying the development stage of the game, it makes me feel like I’m doing something instead of sitting around waiting for work.
My other project, on the other hand, is moving pretty slow, I finished the first chapter very fast but now the second chapter is fighting to come out, I know I just need to find a quiet place to concentrate and write but right now that seems to be unlikely to happen. Little man is not happy to sit and play, he’s more interested in being held so he can stand and bounce. He hates sitting, he hates laying down, oh no my almost 4-month-old baby wants to stand and he just can’t because his neck muscles still aren’t fully developed and my arms get too much of a workout dealing with his bouncing.
In a few years, you might hear all about my famous son who is a big-time ballet dancer in France. Heavens know the boy has the leg muscles for it. I can see him now in his white leotard, twirling and leaping across the stage and Mama being so proud tears flow from her eyes.
To be truthful this was supposed to have been posted a day after my birthday but I’ve been so busy that I only now got the chance to finish the post. That boy just does not let me do anything anymore. I haven’t combed my hair in weeks, I have to end this here because once more duty calls!
Depression
February 25, 2014
I’ve suffered from depression my whole life and have never taken anything for it, I must always rely on myself to get me up out of the dumps because like always “nobody understands”. It’s so easy to tell someone that they should focus on what they do have and not about what they can’t do or don’t have. Sometimes what you do have can’t pay the bills, it won’t help you protect and keep your family in a safe environment. It will not bring the sunshine back.
“What’s the point of it all?” I have never found the answer to that question, sometimes I just ignore the question but it is always there nagging at the back of my head, poking me when I am most vulnerable, What IS the point of it all?? I wish I knew, wish I could answer that question once and for all so that I never have to face off with it again. People will try to tell you the point of it all but their answers mean nothing because they aren’t you, how can they tell you what they don’t know, I’ve often wondered how someone who doesn’t live your life or even went through what you have can tell you what the point is, their words are like salt on an open wound continuously pouring and causing pain and they do it with an oblivious look in their eyes and a smile on their lips.
I’m a pessimist at heart, I don’t know how to change that or if I can, I’m 27 and pretty much set in my ways, be flexible they say but have you ever tried to bend an old rubber band? It either loses its shape and is no longer useful or it breaks. I think that’s what my problem is, I’m trying to change and losing my shape, I’m no longer the person who used to smile and laugh, I’m no longer the person who used to dream. I try to change to become what other people want and I have become a miserable weak creature.
“It will be better” What is better? How will I know when it’s better, who can tell me it’s better? The same people who tell me to focus on what I have? Will it become better when I get what I need? But I’m not supposed to focus on what I don’t have so once more how will I know… Of course, I am an argumentative person and nothing you say will change my mind, like a toxic mixture I am doomed to self-destruction.
I hate this feeling, I hate it so much, I feel helpless to do anything, I want to do something so bad and yet I don’t know what I want to do. Watching Naveen helps a bit, his little toothless smiles cheer me up, watching him play with his toes, concentrate so hard to grab something and he does it with the same facial expression his father gets when he’s doing something, makes me smile.
I think I’ll go hold my little boy while he’s still a little boy and just take this one day at a time.
Baby Clothing Sizes
March 1, 2014
I am annoyed, I am very annoyed, I am so annoyed that I am blogging about what is annoying me!
Baby clothes are cute and they come in all kinds of sizes for the many different aged and sized babies but and this is a very big but, why aren’t all clothes made by weight instead of age? Maybe some people don’t know how much their baby weighs but know how old they are. Fair enough but, not all babies born in the same month are the same size. My own baby is 4 months old and he wear 6 months and 6-9 months and very few 3-6 months…do you see the inconsistency of this? Why is he wearing so many different sizes? Because people have different sizing measurements for the different months.
You have to be on your toes when buying baby clothes because no two clothing labels will fit the same and if you think oh my son wears a 3-6 because they say a 3 month or a 6-month-old can fit it then you are in danger of losing money. Your baby could gain so much weight that the clothes he wore at 3 months will be too small at 4 months even if it was a 3-6 month. It’s like you have to buy in every size just so your baby won’t be out of clothes by next week and baby clothes are not cheap, I have spent less on my own clothing than I had to spend for my son, I don’t mind because I can get by he can’t because he doesn’t have years of clothes in his drawer but I am on a very tight budget and before you say shop online, not everyone ships to the Virgin islands and yes that includes clothing too, I know because I am always knackered over finding a very good sale and choosing things than going to check out only to find something saying “Sorry! We don’t ship to your current location.” don’t get me worked upon that subject, that is a blog for another day!
I am so frustrated by this because I had way more 3-6 than I had 6-9 and my poor son is only 4 months old and already too big for all the clothes he has. I think if it was done by weight instead I’d have more of a chance to keep more clothes longer, little man has steadily gained since he was born and it’s always 1-2 lbs in a month. Monday is his 4-month checkup and I’ll see if my guess is right and he’s a good 15-16 lbs or heavier.
Phew…..steam released, I feel better, now all I have to do is go out shopping for more clothes in bigger sizes and hope he doesn’t outgrow them too soon.
4-month checkup
March 13, 2014
I had meant for this post to be done so long ago, I can’t believe it has taken me this long to get back to my blog. Anyway, at his checkup he came in at 15 lbs 5 oz and was 25 inches, I was spot on for length and just a pound under. His pediatrician was very impressed with his neck support “Today is Naveen’s4-month checkup and I am curious to see how big my little baby has gotten. His last checkup was on December 31 at 2 months and 3 days, he came in at 11 lbs 14 oz and was 23 inches, I suspect he will be around 16 lbs and 25 inches.
My poor baby will also be getting 4 immunization shots today, I hate shots for myself so you can just imagine how anxious I am for him, I didn’t look at the last checkup and didn’t hold him down, his father did that but now that he won’t be going with us this time I’ll have to do it and I am literally making myself sick.” Naveen made 5 months on Friday not sure how much he weighs now but I’m pretty sure it’s close to 16 lbs if not 16 lbs already, I can’t hold him for long anymore because my back and arms can’t take it so he strolls in his umbrella stroller. Lately, I’ve gotten into the habit of strolling down and then back up the hill. It hurts so bad but it’s exercise.
8 Months
July 1, 2014
On June 28, 2014, my little baby made 8 months, it was also the 8th birthday of my second niece, the day before (June 27) had been the first birthday of my 4th niece. To be honest, the entire month had been crammed with birthdays of cousins, a brother, brothers-in-law, uncles, and my grandfather.
I can’t believe my baby is 8 months, I guess I’ll be saying this for the rest of my life, it’s really unbelievable that last year I was 5 months pregnant and not even feeling any kicks yet, didn’t have much of a belly either, now my little boy is holding on to the sofa to stand up and trying to walk.
Now for my niece’s 8th birthday, I made her a Doll Cake, I had only done this once before, and that was a good 5 years ago. I got frustrated because I couldn’t take my time on it so I feel like it wasn’t my best. My niece loved it so I guess it wasn’t so bad.
After 5 years maybe it’s not so bad but it’s still far from what I can accomplish, with some more practice I’m sure I can do a Doll Cake I can be proud of again.
Work
July 4, 2014
I am literally going out of my mind without any work, it’s been too long since I’ve been able to work and my bills are piling up. I’m so stressed that my hair is falling out and I’m pretty much always down. I know I shouldn’t stress so much about things I can not change but when you have a little baby who needs clothes, needs diapers and wipes, needs this or that and hospital bills so high you don’t know how you will pay them all back, stress will get you. I did manage to work for a little while last week which earned me $15 which then went into buying a box of diapers and some wipes. Yup easy come easy go even though I have never been the spending kind.
It doesn’t help my frame of mind either to remember how much I had saved up before I had Naveen, all that money went in the blink of an eye because of the cost of medication and hospital bills that I did get to pay. If I could get back to working and making $15 a day I would be happy but Naveen does not cooperate at all. He has become very clingy and I’m hesitant to leave him on the ground crying because he has a habit of trying to stand up by unstable things like the cupboard door or the open french doors. I’m also hesitant to put him in the stroller because he has figured out a way to stand partially in the stroller. Yeah, not good for one so faint of heart as myself.
I know little babies fall when they are learning how to stand and walk and little boys more so but it’s a completely different ball game when it’s your little baby. I’ve had mini heart attacks many times this past week, he pushed up into a stand from his froggy kneeling, and fell over on his head, he was holding onto the sofa and let go fell over onto his back. I swear my heart stops beating both times. Do you know how those movies do the slow-motion Noooos? That was me, I was so close but stopped and slapped my hands to my face Nooooooooo! Pathetic, I know. I could have reached him before he fell over but I suck in the face of a crisis. I’m ashamed of myself.
To try to make a few extra bucks I figured “Hey, why don’t I try freelancing!” Freelancing what though? I don’t have any degrees other than in Commercial Baking and Cake Decoration and not many people are looking for someone with that skill, especially not on the internet. Why not blogging? I barely keep up my own blog huh…Story writing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I haven’t even finished a full story in over 10 years. I am my worst critic so in the end I felt all dejected and decided not to try freelancing after all. Strangely enough, it did push me to go back to a story I was writing and see it with fresh eyes. I’m happy to say I’m back to working on it and trying my best to stick to it this time.
When Naveen naps, this momma will work!
Diaper Wars
July 6, 2014
When someone says to you “Diaper Wars” what is the first thing that comes to mind? Huggies vs. Pampers? Pampers vs. Luvs? No doubt it’s probably one of those combinations or even Cloth vs. Disposable, well I’m not going to talk about that kind of diaper war, I’m going to talk about a diaper war most mothers (I’m hoping) know about, the kind where you’re baby won’t stay still and you have to literally fight them to change their diaper.
Naveen has always been a pretty good baby when it came to changing his diaper, no fights, no fuss, no hassle, all that changed when he hit 8 months like it was a fricking magic number. He won’t just lay there and watch me with either his “What are you doing pervert?” or “Clean my butt loser” looks, nope, he has declared war on me and the diapers.
He will no longer lay there and be changed, he’s not even content to play his hand in whatever unholy mess he made, he means business when he turns and twists, screams, and literally flings his arms around. He doesn’t care if he makes a mess on the bed and frustrates me, nope he just wants to hang free and roam the land. Sometimes I almost want to let him go commando but there are three little girls in this house and the youngest likes to grab his diaper front (She just turned 1). I’m worried that if he’s just dangling along she might grab a handful and injure him and seriously, I do not want to go to the hospital with my 8-month-old and try to explain to them how my 1-year-old niece managed to grab his bits and spin them like a helicopter. So, we fight and he loses but I feel like I’ve lost too because an 8-month-old shouldn’t be able to aggravate you like this. I’m convinced I’m doing something wrong, why can’t I control a little baby??
Early warning, if I am not back before next week Friday, it means I have lost the battle and I’m chasing my diaper-less son around the house.
Today is Standing Day!
July 7, 2014
Today my little baby decided he was going to stand every chance he got, he didn’t just hold on to something and let go either, he pushes up from a crouch. It’s always so amazing to see him when he’s standing there for a few seconds before he falls. The feeling I get in my chest knowing that this is the little baby that was growing in my belly, I can’t describe it.
I’m a proud Momma right now, I know every baby is different, but when it’s your first you can’t help but feel like your baby is special.
That being said, yesterday I had this lofty idea that I would take a picture throughout this day to see what my day was like, when I woke up this morning (unwillingly might I add) I completely forgot about it and only remembered now. I guess I could still do it but it won’t be accurate and I’m kind of obsessive about things being accurate. I’m not even sure I will even attempt it tomorrow because when I really think about it, my day is boring. I don’t have much going on at all.
On the other hand, I did get a fair bit of writing done for my story, I devote a little time every day to it now, I got some done last night when Nabo fell asleep and I took a bit of time this morning when he was playing with his cousins, I’m hoping that I can get a bit more tonight too.
Ah the beauty of a mobile child, I have to track him down because he is super fast on his knees now, before he was slow and I could easily look down and he’d still be in the same spot, I can hear him with his older cousin so I know he’s not too far, until next time.
Anxiety…
July 9, 2014
So last night, Naveen went with me, my mother, and my father to see Think Like a Man Too, this was his 4th time going to the movies and it was bad, not as bad as going to see Godzilla and How to Train Your Dragon 2 but still pretty bad. We walked into the theater and sat down, he was fine, there were a few people in the theater but not too many. More people started to come in and he looked around and started to bawl. Then the commercials came on and they were pretty loud which made him cry even more. I tried to feed him to kind of distract him but he wasn’t having it, he started to push and throw his hands around, my mother had already seen the movie so she took him and went to the back with him (Thank you Mami!) I’m told he calmed down and went to sleep, he was still sleeping when she came back, it was going good but then a really funny part of the movie came up and all the laughter made him jump awake and it was back to square one.
I tried rocking him, holding him, feeding him, but he is not interested in any of it, he went back to my mother and calmed down again, my mother has the magic touch, what am I doing wrong that I can’t get him to calm down for me? Having 6 kids must have made my mother some kind of kid magnet because all of her grandkids go to her for comfort and they fight over her too! It’s a sobering thought though when we leave the Island for France, I won’t have my mother there with me to hold Naveen, she won’t get to see him grow up and I won’t have my mother to go to the movies with, yea I’ll finally have my little family together but I’m going to lose my family in the process. It’s not like they’re right next to each other or even 6 miles away, according to Google, it’s 4,386 miles apart.
My mother is a big coward when it comes to planes too, she can barely make it on a flight from St. Croix to Florida so I know she will never get on a plane to fly to France. I’m not even betting on any of my siblings visiting, I’m convincing myself that I’m going to be solo, the lone Crucian in French territory unless I count Naveen but he’s going to grow up there so he’ll be more French than Crucian. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that I won’t enjoy living in France but when you grow up on a tight-knit little Island with a specific culture that is found only on that little Island you tend to see the world differently than people from other places. I can write a book on the differences I have noticed already but I’ll leave that for another post. It’s time I go back to chasing behind my son and enjoying my family while they are still around.
Iron Deficiency, Birthday Parties, & Stress, Oh my!
September 9, 2014
I know, I haven’t been here in forever but I’m here now. I’ll try to catch you up on all the things that are going on with me and Naveen.
On Aug 28 he made 10 months, which is crazy because just yesterday he was a newborn, and before that, he was a bump in the belly, and even farther back he wasn’t even a thought in my head. I never in my life imagined the little boy that I see beside me right now, I’ve dreamed of a son before but I never thought I’d actually have one because I couldn’t imagine myself as a mother. I don’t think I see myself as other people see me, inside I’m still the same person I was when I was younger, I have grown yes but I’m still essentially the same person, the person who used to dream of one day being an author or an artist, the person who thought the world of her own mother and never felt like she could be the same kind of mother. I know that I can never be like my mother, she is a hard worker who did whatever it took to make sure her kids were taken care of and fought for the rights of her kids, I can be that kind of person but in my own way. I’m nothing like my mother, my sisters, my aunts, or my cousins, I am me and I have to do things in my own way, now that that’s out of the way let’s move on to more important things like Naveen’s routine blood test for WIC.
On July 28 Naveen went for a blood test to check his blood level and to see if everything was fine, when we got the results back everything came back as abnormal, they told me it probably meant he needed iron and it wasn’t a big deal but to make sure to show it to his pediatrician. His next Doctor appointment was on August 19 so I figured I’d give him some of that Poly-vi-sol vitamin just to be on the safe side. When his Doctor saw the results she was appalled, said it was way too low and that he’d need to go in for several blood tests to make sure that he just has low iron and not Sickle cell anemia. My heart just about dropped into my stomach, the thought of Naveen having Sickle cell and nobody even knowing at the hospital when he was born was a frightening thought. I was so worried, I couldn’t sleep, I would just watch Naveen and pray that everything was fine and he wasn’t sick. The tests were supposed to be very expensive and the little bit of money I have been able to make working went into diapers and wipes, sometimes clothes, and lastly shoes for Naveen. I had no idea how I was going to pay for the tests, my mother said she’ll try to help with some but she didn’t have that much money anyway and I already owed her for the last Doctor’s appointment. Thanks to Naveen’s Papa we had the money to go to the lab to get his blood tests done, it was $70 for the tests they did on Island and two other tests would be sent away to the states and I’d be billed.
On September 3rd we went to the lab, Naveen already hates this lab because he came here to take his first blood test which was just a finger prick, this time they were going to draw blood out a vein, the nurse brought out 4 huge vials and set about to take my baby’s blood, my mother didn’t think they should take all that blood from such a small baby and especially since he was very anemic, the nurse said it was Doctor’s orders but my mother put her shoe down and the head nurse had to come and she agreed that they didn’t need all that blood so they’d have to fill the vial only halfway. The nurse stuck poor Naveen in his arm and attempted to get his blood but Naveen is a fighter and he was screaming and kicking and the blood just wouldn’t come out so we called a halt to it and asked for a refund since this nurse clearly didn’t know what she was doing. We went to the Doctor’s office and she gave us a referral to do the blood test at the hospital where the nurses were more competent. So the next day we’re at the hospital to do the blood tests and I’m so nervous because I have no idea what this test will show, I hate to hear my baby cry and see them stick needles in his arm to take his blood. This time there are two nurses, one to help me hold down Naveen and the other to take his blood, it went so fast and they only took two small vials but it cost me $200. I’m fine with the $200 since they actually knew what they were doing and they were very pleasant.
Skip it to 2 days later and I get a call from his Pedi, he’s severely anemic and we have to start therapy right away. I think I was numb at this point, I just got up left the house, and picked up his prescription to start him on his Iron supplement. He’s taking 1 ml daily for a week then 2 ml for a week, then 3 ml the next week all the way up until he is taking 5 ml. The first day he took his iron was not easy, I tried to mix it with water and he absolutely refused to drink it so I ended up having to mix in some juice and he drank it with no problem. I have no idea if it’s increasing his iron levels yet but I have noticed an increased appetite, he now eats more table food than he was before, it’s not a nibble or two, and then leave. We have another Dr. appointment next week Friday, guess we’ll see if he has gained any weight and they’ll send us for another blood test.
Now about his birthday… Next month my baby will be 1 year old and I have nothing, no invitation, no theme, no plans, nothing. I know he won’t remember any of it but it feels like such a failure that I can’t even give him some cupcakes and a plate with his favorite character on it. I’m so depressed but I don’t show it because I have to be strong for my son and do the things he does need like iron supplements and blood tests. Hopefully, I can at least give him a cupcake with a number 1 candle…
Crucianize 