Life update

I haven’t actually updated my blog in a while especially when it comes to my life, so I’ll do that now.

I have to actually go back to last year when I visited a Psychologist here in France; this was a court-ordered visit to find out if I was suffering from some mental disorder that caused me not to be able to speak. I never got the results so I had no idea what the results were until our next court visit in February before my 37th birthday.

The Psychologist came to the conclusion that I was Autistic; I had Selective Mutism, Generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and Childhood Trauma. I thought this was an official diagnosis but apparently not, since Psychologists can’t diagnose Autism in France like they can in the US. If I want to get an official diagnosis, I will have to pay out of pocket and look for someone on my own, and I can’t afford it, so I have an answer to all the questions I’ve had for my whole life, but I don’t have paper proof that I can use for official paper if I want to apply for aid.

I’m not really surprised at this diagnosis, especially with how I grew up and how much my father and younger brother display classic signs of Autism.

Last week, something terrible happened in my family; I lost a cousin unexpectedly, and it has been really hard. My cousin Craig was like a ray of sunshine; when you were depressed and at your lowest, he would find the most insanely funny way to make you laugh; he was a champion of the disenfranchised and the first to have your back. He had an intense dislike for Roti, especially chicken roti with bones; he likened it to daggers stabbing your gums and wondered why anyone would choose to eat it.

There are days where I remember him with a smile and a laugh because I remembered something funny he said or did, and there are days when I cry deeply at the slightest reminder that he is gone. I hope my cousin knew the impact he had on the people around him and how much he is missed.